Uwi na ako.” I said, as gently as I possibly could. Then I saw tears falling from his eyes, and I felt weak and angry and frustrated - all at the same time. I wanted to retract those three words I just said, because I love him so much. “Cge, hindi na lang, mamaya na lang… nood tayo dvd sa inyo, gusto mo?,” as I desperately tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. I really wanted to go home, but I couldn’t, not with him broken like this. After spending one night and one whole day with him, sadly, it’s not enough. He wants to be with me forever. There was a time when a guy dumped me for another girl because he didn’t love me enough. Now here’s another guy I sometimes want to break-up with, not because he doesn’t love me enough, but because he loves me too much. Just like a person addicted to drugs and sex, he has become very dependent on me; and it’s making me sick. He loves me so much to the extent that he wants to be with me all the time. He loves me too much to the extent that he can’t function normally without me by his side. It may sound romantic, because it means he loves me that much. But the reality is I’m not touched at all; I can’t breathe. It’s tiring to be there for someone and lose time for yourself, your friends, and your family. It’s frustrating to be with just that one person more than ½ of your waking life, when you’ve got somewhere else to be and something else to do. I love him, yes. I understand I’m his girlfriend, his business partner, his best friend, his sister, his mother and his first love. But I’ve had enough of his crying like a baby when I tell him I want to go home. I’ve had enough of explaining to him why I can’t sleep over at his place every night; why I need time to be alone; why I like to spend time away from him sometimes. People think I’m dependent on him to give me confidence, because I’m always seen tagging along everywhere he goes. They think I’m this desperately needy girl, who clings to her boyfriend the way bubblegum sticks to hair or the way lice sticks to a dog’s fur. But they don’t know it’s the other way around. He is the one who clings to me, the way bloodsuckers stick to a person’s skin. And he is sucking the life out of me. He is the one who needs me to be there, desperately, it’s as if he’ll die when I’m not there. When I’m not there to inspire him, make him smile and give him strength. I need him too, but I can bear days without him by my side. My world would go perfectly OK, with or without him by my side. But his world wouldn’t go perfectly OK, and thats the problem. He wants me to be part of his life; consequently, I forget I have a life of my own. There are days when I’d willingly cancel my appointment with an old friend in order to spend time with him. I’d willingly spend the night at his house, even if my parents want to kill me already, just so I could hug and comfort him as he slept. There are times when I want to read in my own room and watch television in my own home, but I can’t because I’m with him in his world. I have to be with him because if I’m not, he’ll miss me so much he’ll get depressed. It is hard to leave him sometimes, even for a day or two. It gets harder every time to say goodbye, even for awhile, as I go to my own world and live. I am just 18, and he is 19. We’re only boyfriend-girlfriend. Someday, I would love to be his wife. I would willingly sacrifice my aspirations, in order to merge my dreams with his. I would obligingly forget the word “my” and “mine” and replace it with “us.” I would freely compromise my time just to reassure him he’s not alone. I am willing to do all that, someday, when I am his wife. Right now, I’m just his girlfriend. I want to be free, free in the sense that I want to have time for myself. It is only when I am alone can I think for myself. Only when I’m not with him can I assess our relationship and see things in a third person point of view. Only when we’re apart do I see and feel how much I miss him. Only then do I understand how much I love him. I’m his girlfriend. My time and my life - it is "mine", not "his". Days without him, means days where I am able to form my own identity. Hours without him means hours where I am able to interact with other people, and not be isolated from the rest of humanity. I am able to realize that I am an individual. Apart from being his girlfriend, I am also another person’s sister, daughter, classmate and friend. I wanted to leave him for good so many times. I’ve always felt the urge to run away from him and from our relationship. Now I understand why. It’s not that I don’t love him and I’m getting sick of him. I want to leave him because I feel I am turning into this empty person when I’m with him 24/7. I forget that I’m alive; and I have goals, ideas, principles of my own. Now I realize that days separating me and him are essential for the both of us. He is right. Loving someone doesn’t always mean letting that person go or setting that person free. But when will he realize that really loving someone means giving that person time to experience things on their own, giving that person space to grow, and air to breathe?
-end-
–copied from peyups.com. written by girlnafriend.
…i can say im being too dependent to the one i love… it’s hard. th fact, it’s killing me. i hope the one i love won’t leave me. i’d die. i don’t know how. but then i know i would.. don’t leave me. you’re my everything, remember?… i hope… you’ll never break your promises… that you’ll never get tired of understanding me… that you’ll never get tired of forgiving me… that you’ll never get tired of loving me… ’cause… i’ll never break mine…. :’(
